Incontinence

Incontinence.  Just one of the many things in life that terrify me.  It just so happens that the day I lose the ability to control my bowels may in fact be right around the corner.

4.5 Miles to Hell, then 4.5 Miles back Home
I'm sorry that's a little bit of a Debbie Downer thing to say.  Allow me to rephrase.  9 miles of totally awesome running! Factors that may have lead me to include the word "hell" in my sub-heading included, but are not limited to the following:

1st  Self-induced dehydration Saturday evening (even though I knew I had 9 miles to run this evening, friends from college were in town, I couldn't say no!)

2nd  Sleeping only from 3:30 a.m. until 8 a.m. this morning.  I need AT LEAST 8 hours each and every night to function as a normal human being. 

3rd and most importantly, well really #1 was what really got me, but number 3 was fairly close to being the #1 reason why I included the word "hell" in my sub-heading.

(Cue shirtless, angry, drummer for intense drum roll lasting no more than 8 seconds---just bare with me.  I was in athletic and event marketing for a year before I started nursing, I can't help but think this way).

94% humidity!!

Ding! Ding! Ding!  Folks we have a new winner for #1 reason why I included the word "hell" in my sub-heading and thus hated life during my run this evening!

I guess on a happier note, I am pretty pumped I ran 9 miles at a fairly constant 11 minute/mile pace and didn't decide to jump into oncoming traffic due to every ounce of fluid in my body drying up with each step I took.

Don't think I would forget to tell you my thoughts on incontinence
So on my list of fears is the idea of an "uh oh" moment that sneaks up and bites ya in your underwear mid-run.  I've been lucky so far.  I've heard horendous stories of these so-called "runner's trots" but they haven't trotted up my pant-leg just yet!!


And don't worry, you'll be the first to know when they do.


So! Pre-run when I was loading up on some delicious Velveeta...

Goodness knows I eat as much as I can before a run not only because I don't have any eater's remorse, but also, I don't want to pass out on the street.  I mean, that would just be awkward, and I'd probably hit my head.  Then there's the issue with medical billing and insurance! I think you understand why I'd  just rather not go there.  So yes....I really like to load up before a run.

However, it wasn't until this moment...

...when I paused and thought "crap!"


Wow, not only was that Velveeta amazing, but I'm pretty sure creamy, hot, cheesy goodness right before a run could end in an embarrassing pants-down encounter in someone's yard.  I may have popped an Imodium (which I do NOT encourage in these situations) and sent a little prayer up to the big man.

Dear God,


Please don't let me lose my ability to hold it in on my run this evening.  And if in fact, I do have an "uh oh" moment, please don't let the people who's bushes I'm crouching in call the police because there's a possible burglar/drug addict/homeless person in their yard.  Oh yes, and dear God, if any of these events do occur, please don't let any of my nursing professor's be a witness. 


Amen.


I'll have you know I'm home and only hated my life because of the 3 stated reasons listed above.  Thankfully there wasn't a 4th reason for hating life on my run this evening, and I think we all know what that is.

(Not having "los trots" in some poor, unsuspecting ocean-dweller's yard.)