Mountain Vacation Day 5: A Memoir of Adventures

Wildlife Observatory Adventures
Yesterday the wildlife observatory came full circle. After constructing a ladder, safety railings were attached and I started to observe the wildlife. After taking the bark off the hand rails with this nifty little booger... (the one of the right)

After takings some bark off the rails I was tired and decided to call it a day. I'm pretty sure my dad was giving me all pioneer-style tools to work with so I could burn up all my energy...wow I sound like a 5 year old. No room for fancy electronics in the house of John Wayne. He prefers working with his hands and demolishing his tender skin.

Shower Adventures
After building my wildlife observatory/possible future site of my Montana apartment, I headed in, whipped my mom at a few board games and hit the shower. Why don't you come up to Montana and get a real feel for "roughin it."

How to shower in Montana.

Step 1) Boil water on wood burning stove

Step 2) Stand in the shower, shivering.

(This photo may be mistaken for the act of "constipation/defecation." Don't do that in the shower, no one likes a dirty shower...especially when there's no running water to rinse if ya know what I mean.)

Step 3) Pour hot water into a 5 gallon bucket and set your camping shower inside of it so water can sprinkle lightly over your head. It's a good fake shower when you haven't had a real one in 2 1/2 days.

Step 4) Enjoy water, then get out of there fast! The water is definitely on the verge of being gone after you've gotten use to the "shower" facade.

Moral of the story for all you "city readers" out there. Enjoy your city shower.

Post Shower Adventures
After showering, it was dinner time. Mom warmed up some FABULOUS Pioneer Woman chicken I had made the night before, and we sat down to a real meal in the woods. (Chicken with olives just in case your feel like putting on your chef hat tonight...it's amazing! I can't stop thinking about it. I may pause writing this post and run home just to have a bite.) Pioneer Woman meals can be made anywhere! I repeat anywhere! So don't waste your time with Betty C....it's time to switch to P.W.

Suddenly...there's a knock on the window. It was no ordinary tap tap tapperoo. It was a slightly frantic tap...similar to the authoritative tap my mother has mastered over the years of being a mother of 2 girls. But Mom was eating dinner at the table with me, who was frantically knocking on the window? Oh Yes!! Sometimes John Wayne is so quiet I forget he's there. And John Wayne had spotted a bear!! A grizzly bear...eying a local deer on the salt block.

This griz had a golden stripe of fir across his hump. So naturally he will forever more be known as Goldie Locks to me. Skipping from cabin to cabin looking for fresh meat.

Now my instant reaction was to want to vomit. I'm not too sure why, my dad asked me that question later after the bear had left. I hope if I ever encounter a bear while I'm on foot I don't just start projectile vomiting. I don't think that would be a very good defense mechanism.

I would prefer to whip out of my bear suit and hope that the bear would see me as one of his own kind and walk away, or do the grizzly bear karate chop and give the bear a friendly Texas hye-yaw to the face!

Sadly, I know neither methods of defense would work, well if you count vomiting that's actually 3 defense mechanisms, none of which would work. So that is why I pack heat, if Dad would let me carry his gun everywhere I would, and I would probably end up shooting myself, so I carry "bear" heat. AKA bear assault spray.

It makes all the little Goldie Locks of the forest cry for mama!

Now don't let that image alarm you. You will only temporarily disarm the bear. Don't feel sorry for the bear. If you do...just remember this face.

Now point, shoot and run!

Today's Goal: Get the swelling in Mom's eye to subside...it's baddddd lol

Today's Obsession: To halt the adventure of the kissin' cousins/catch the prison escapees. We gotta catch these prison punks people! They're cousins and they want to get married. Not for any other purpose but to stop them from procreating...catch them quick and avoid incest!

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